I am at a point right now where I feel I don’t need to look for mates anymore. I have been on this wild search for a partner. If you have been reading the past posts you will know that I have been busy. I have been chatting to a number of guys and I have lost interest. I feel like I have been going through phases, because not so long ago I likened finding a man to finding a job. You look hard for it. I don’t think I should be stressed by being single. Not the same way I get stressed by being broke and jobless. Finding a partner should be fun.

I will not do anything drastic like deleting my Gaydar profile. I am just not going to cling on finding “something”. I am perfect and complete by myself. I have developed great friendhips. I have people who love me and care about me. I have people who want to hang out with me and I with them. In this search for “someone” you end up hurting yourself anyways.

Times like this remind me of my friend David. He was the first man in this world to tell me I am beautiful in a non friendship way. He has always told me never to sell myself short. “Because you are beautiful, people will hurt you and use you”, he used to say. He made me feel special. He might be thousands of miles away, but I will never forget the way he made me feel. It’s that time of the yaer again that he makes his annual trip to South Africa. I wonder if I will see him? It would be great to have dinner with David and hear all about his adventures.

There’s a certain constructed image of people without partners in society. It is not positive image. It’s as if there is something wrong with you for being single. This is not true though. Many people in relationships are not happy. Sam a friend of mine mentioned to me that when people announce that they have been together for 40, 50 years people clap hands. This is seen as an acheivement of some sort. People never really lookt at his critically. You can be married to someone for a long time, but in an abusive relationship. People might be together for convinience and money. But people will clap for them because they have been together so long. It feels kind of sad people clapping for your missery. That is actually what they will be doing. Yes life is about sacrifice and giving up a few things. It only becomes a problem when you are not happy about doing it.

I am happy by myself at the moment. I can also concentrate on my school work. Pass my GRE & TOEFT tests. I can hand in a good thesis and “stress” about finding work. When I find work I can then stress about shoes, bags, jeans, shoes, shoes and more shoes.