Selfish is what I was called by a dear friend of mine recently. She has ended our friendship because she says that I am selfish and I only think of myself. We have been friends for almost 4 months. She feels she can make that assumption about me after only knowing me for so long. She feels so strongly about this to an extent that she has terminated our friendship. I was shocked and torn and so broken. I went around asking people how they see me and if indeed I was selfish.

Well my other friends didn’t seem to agree. I was also wondering if they were not telling the truth to “save” me.  Anyways I did apologise to my friend and she threw the apology in my face and said she doesn’t want to see me again. It feels so painful when people do not take apologies. I even promised to change.

My best friend Olwethu said that maybe I should look into why this girl sees me this way. It’s about perceptions and the signals I give. I think sometimes people take assertiveness and strong will and wanting things done perfectly as being a bitch. I do not settle for something that is not good. I do look out for number one, but who doesn’t. I think confidence can be looked at as arrogance and self love as selfishness.

I think also “camp” speak can also be mistaken for being full of oneself. I like being pink and speaking in gay lingo and sometimes maybe I take it too far. I thought friends work things out and do not dismantle the friendship at the first sign of trouble.

I still think I am fabulous. God made me fabulous. What is wrong with me claiming that I am fabulous. Should I wait for other people to tell me that I am fabulous. I have a feeling I would have to wait forever!